The R2 Incident

It's Christmas time; my favorite time of year!  Sipping salted caramel hot chocolate, Christmas socks, trimming the tree, A Christmas Carol, gift-giving; the whole nine yards.  I don't even hate Christmas shopping, but I do hate crowds.  I avoid Black Friday like the plague its name implies, and try to get most of my shopping done before Thanksgiving, or shop online.  Still, no matter how hard I try, I still find myself running to the mall for those little extras I can't buy online unless I want to pay for shipping.  I enjoy paying for shipping about as much as a root canal.

For whatever reason, the most vivid Christmas memories I have involve Star Wars.  As a child of the early 80s, Star Wars was an even bigger deal then, than it is now.  Forget Barbie and Ken; I wanted Star Wars action figures.  I had all the big names: Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, C3PO and Tauntaun.  This was also back when the lightsabers weren't an accessory the figures held in their kung-fu grip; this was when the geniuses at Kenner put the lightsaber in the figure's arm and you extended the lightsaber via a knob sticking out of the slot in the forearm.  The poor things looked more like colorful orchestra conductors than deadly Jedi masters.

Still, I loved them.  I played with them all the time.  But...my collection was not complete.  The one figure I wanted more than anything, was R2-D2.  I mean, who doesn't love R2-D2?  People that hate Star Wars love R2-D2.  So, one Christmas, I asked for R2-D2.  Much like Ralphie and his Red Rider BB Gun, I wanted nothing more than R2-D2.

So, Christmas came.  We opened the gifts one by one.  I literally have no memory of any other gift I received that Christmas, nor can I even recall the exact year of this Christmas, only that it was the Christmas of R2-D2.  I remember finding the package that felt like R2-D2.  That flat piece of cardboard with a big bubble at the bottom for the action figure.  I greedily ripped the paper off the package and got excited when I recognized the Star Wars logo at the top.  Only...it wasn't R2-D2....

It was a droid alright.  It had a spinning head, and tripod feet.  I recognized it from the Star Wars films, but it was not R2-D2.  I didn't know the name at the time (I was too heartbroken to care), but have researched the matter and discovered that my R2-D2 impostor droid was actually R5-D4.

I thought my parents had made a mistake.  A horrible mistake.  Where was R2-D2?  Maybe he was so popular, he was sold out?  Maybe I would get him for my birthday?  Maybe my parents were color blind and thought they bought R2-D2?

Years later, I've never gotten a straight answer on why I was given the doppelganger droid.  Granted, it's been well over 30 years and details are fuzzy for all of us; but I swear that one time my parents admitted they didn't think I would know the difference between the two.  Take a look at the photo below and tell me if your child can tell the difference between R2-D2 and the "other guy".

R2-D2 vs. R5-D4

I don't know why this memory has stuck with me after so many Christmases.  Maybe because, for the most part, I find the things parents try to pull over on their kids completely hilarious.  The"R2 debacle" was about as successful as the time my mom tried hiding grape Dimetapp in my Coca-Cola.  I never did get an R2-D2 action figure, but about 10 years ago my parents did give me an R2-D2 ornament so I'd finally give it a rest (clearly I haven't).

So, parents; this Christmas, I implore you to remember that kids are smarter than you think.  If you're thinking about getting them the knockoff toy because it's $5 cheaper and they won't know the difference, please, please, please, give up a day at Starbucks and pay the extra $5 because it will make a big difference to your kid.  And if you can't find it, if it's sold out, just be honest and blame Santa or the Elf on the Shelf and tell them that certain quotas weren't met this Christmas; maybe there will be more available by the time their birthday comes around.  Otherwise, you might never hear the end of it.

Merry Christmas!

When I Grow Up...

It's been several weeks since my last post, so you may or may not have noticed that the name of this blog changed from "Kimmy's Cooking Adventures" to "Kim's Life in Progress".  I changed the name for several reasons: 

1) The original name was an uninspired, pressure-induced choice imposed on me by the Blogger software,

2) only two people in the world actually refer to me as Kimmy instead of Kim,

3) I can't help but think of DJ's annoying friend on Full House, and

4) I don't want to limit this blog to only cooking topics.

During my sabbatical (a nice way of saying "too tired to write") I thought about what I would want to write about if it wasn't limited to cooking.  I think it only appropriate, therefore, to expound upon career choices.

As a grown-up type person, I like to ask little kids what they want to be when they grow up.  However, if I'm being really honest, I'm usually asking because I don't know how to keep the conversation going.  Once we've established their age, grade in school (if they go to school), and favorite color, I've got nothin'.  I much prefer the pre-verbal stage where a rousing game of peekaboo will get you through the social niceties.

It is interesting, though, to think about how the responses to this question change over time.  The evolution of my own responses looks something like this:

Age 4 - artist

Age 10 - architect (because it involved art and using rulers)

Age 12 - lawyer (because I watched a lot of divorce court growing up)

Age 16 - teacher (who doesn't want summers off?)

Age 18 - English teacher (get paid to read?  heck yeah!)

Age 18.5 - hmmm...I have no patience for teaching, gotta think about this

Age 18.75 - toyed with majoring in English, history, and anthropology; all involve teaching...gotta keep thinking

Age 18.9 - psychology is interesting, but I don't want to get a PhD

Age 19 - accountant

I'll admit, I kind of fell into accounting by default.  I remember being in the middle of my freshman year in college and talking to my mom about the difficulty of picking out a major that had an actual job (that wasn't teaching) attached to it at the end.  Now, before I continue, you have to leave your sensitivity hat at the door or just click away, because I'm going to turn up the stereo...type, stereotype (ba dum ching).  I am half-Chinese, my mother is not Chinese, but at the time had been married to a Chinese man for 20 years (they're still married BTW); a little bit of the culture rubs off on you over time.  She subtle-y suggested I look into accounting because I was pretty good with numbers.  My dad, and most of my Asian friends, will freely admit that some stereotypes are often (but not always) true.  The 5 acceptable careers is one of those truisms.  You can be anything you want to be when you grown up; any type of doctor, lawyer, engineer, architect, or accountant, that is.  As long as you fall into one of these categories, your parents will be happy and feel like they've done their job in raising you correctly.

I had no desire to be a doctor, and thought I was too introverted to become an attorney (I didn't know about corporate law back then).  As much as I love the Discovery Channel, I've never excelled in the sciences so I passed on engineering.  Not sure why I passed on architecture.  It can't be because it sounded boring compared to accounting.  So, I enrolled in Accounting 101 and got through the quarter relatively unscathed.  At that point, I figured I might as well keep going and just didn't stop.

Throughout it all, from the time I was 12 to forever, I've wanted to be a writer.  My dream was to publish a book by the time I was 16.  After that benchmark came and went, my dream was to publish a book before I was 20 and become an editor at a publishing house.  When that didn't happen, I just gave up.  Actually, giving up would have been somewhat more palatable when the reality is that I simply just forgot.  Forgot to dream, forgot to try, forgot to practice something that I enjoyed doing so much.  I've always been a practical person, and the practical thing to do at the time was to focus on my studies, take the right classes, graduate, and get a job.  There simply wasn't time or room in my head for dreaming.

Thinking about this many years later makes me terribly sad.  I'm not saying I regret my career choice, because I don't, but I regret not leaving room in my life for dreaming.  Even now I struggle with this concept, because life doesn't stop or pause to give you room for joy; bills need to be paid, emergencies arise, and people let you down.  I get so focused on responding to crises that I often feel like there's no room for such nonsense as dreams.  

This hollow feeling is one of the reasons I started this blog.  I hold no illusions that writing will bring me fame or glory, or that I will ever be a published author beyond what I post here, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.  People don't stop painting because their works aren't hanging in a museum, and they don't stop sewing just because their creations are showcased in school plays instead of New York fashion week.  My wonderful husband often reminds me that happiness is a choice.  Likewise, happiness or joy won't be handed to us, we have to seek it out or take it for ourselves.  I don't mean for this to sound self-serving, but rather as a basic survival instinct.  If we don't take the time to engage in those activities that we take joy in, whether it's writing, running in marathons, painting, or cooking, what's left?  I don't want to be 70 and realize I have spent the last 50 years acting no better than a robot programmed to perform the same task day-in and day-out.

It's this premise of seeking out joy that is the basis for the new title of this blog, "Kim's Life in Progess", because that's what it is.  I'm not perfect, and most of the time I'm making it (life) up as I go along; but I am actively taking steps to appreciate that which is good in my life and to try and enjoy some of it along the way.  I will still post about my cooking adventures, but will let this blog be a creative outlet away from the debits and credits of the day-to-day.  Even though I've already settled on a career, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  I just know that I don't want to be a robot...unless I can have bionic eyes, that would be kinda cool.

Take care,

Kim

Accessorizing Your Meal: The Butternut Squash Experiment

Cooking is a lot like getting ready for a big event; say a wedding or your high school reunion.  Most of us will spend hours thinking about what we want to wear, skimming magazines to get ideas about what to wear, try on an endless array of possibilities, and finally "settle" on something that you are not 100% sure about, but you're more sure about than the other 499 rejects.

I love to shop, but I'm a terrible shopper.  I get tunnel vision and focus on the main outfit; often failing to remember that I may not have shoes or jewelry to complete the look.  If I'm lucky, I realize this no later than the day before an event and can make a mad dash to the mall.  If I'm super-lucky, I happen to have a pair of black shoes that will "work".

For example, in 2006 we went to North Dakota for Grant's brother's wedding.  I packed a black dress that I'd owned for a few years (because it "worked"), black shoes, and a "Y" necklace that was fashionable five years earlier.  After stewing about it over the 22-hour drive to North Dakota, I was feeling very self-conscious about my outfit.  We had only been married a few years, and I had not spent much time with Grant's family, so I didn't want to be the squat, unfashionable little weirdo in the family pictures.  It didn't help matters that my then-future sister-in-law is a tall and leggy gal (not her fault that I have hang-ups).  So even though we arrived in North Dakota a mere two days before the wedding, I was determined to level up.  

The day before the wedding, we did some "sightseeing" around Fargo (yes, the same Fargo as the movie).  On this tour, we went to Scheels; a very large sporting goods store that sold everything from hunting gear to chocolate fudge.  It also had a large indoor Ferris wheel that I thought was kind of fun (I'm easily entertained).  Anyhoo, somewhere between the rifles and the fudge, they sold dressy-dresses.  Talk about one-stop shopping!!  Take notes, Costco!  I found a dress in black and cream -- so, totally different than the dress I packed -- and decided that this was a much better choice.  

The next day, the day of the wedding, I realized that I had overlooked a small but important detail about my new dream dress (which, by the way, it wasn't).  The dress I bought had spaghetti straps, requiring a specific type of, um, undergarment that wouldn't show, um, certain parts of said undergarment when worn.  Thankfully, we still had a few hours before the wedding and ran to the mall where I frantically ran to JC Penney and bought the aforementioned undergarment as well as a traditional circular-shaped necklace, and an evening bag.  I was going to be classy, dammit!!!

Even after all that trouble, I can't say I was happy with the results...at all.  I still think I look like a pasty troll in the family picture.  We have this photo in our living room and it mocks me daily from its lofty perch.  I'm using it as motivation to obsess over what I will wear to my stepdaughter's wedding seven months away!  Maybe I'll invest in some bronzer...And just because I'm a glutton for punishment, I will share a horribly fuzzy photo of the look-that-failed.

When you're as short as I am, why would you choose

something that looks like a maternity dress?

Anyway, it hit me the other day that this is the same approach I've taken with cooking and meal-planning.  I spend a decent amount of time making thoughtful decisions about what to cook for the week, take conscientious steps to cook ahead so we're not scrambling for dinner after work, only to realize I've neglected selecting side dishes to complete the meal. 

This week, I/we have made an effort to plan every aspect of dinner, including the sides.  This could be something as easy as grilling a bunch of asparagus, or cooking snow peas in a microwave steamer (if you don't have one, get one, they're a big time saver).  If you want to be a little more ambitious, you can try the dish that I just made this week, Velvety Butternut Squash from Melissa Joulwan's Well Fed. 

A few disclaimers; this is not a difficult dish, but it is time consuming.  Do not make this if you need something at the last minute; do not make this if you need to cook something before running off to pick up the kids from school; do not make this if you are having dinner with people you are not 100% comfortable with (you'll see why in a minute).

But before we can even get to making this dish, we have to whip up a spice blend.  I will say that this has become a bit of a pet peeve of mine.  I don't appreciate recipes within recipes (I'm looking at you 3 Ingredients or Less cookbook; you feckin' liar).  I also don't appreciate cookbooks that assume you have endless containers and cupboard space to store all your new and fabulous spice blends.  In Well Fed there aren't a lot of separate spice recipes, but I do appreciate that Melissa Joulwan gives her readers additional recommendations for use.  For this recipe you will need to make "Ral el Hanout", from the Well Fed cookbook.  

Combine the following ingredients in a medium-sized bowl and mix with a fork until well-combined.  You only need 2 teaspoons of the mixture for the butternut squash, so I put the remainder in a labelled Ziploc bag.  The leftovers can be used as a rub for steaks, chops, and chicken, or add to ground meat for burgers or meatballs.

2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons powdered ginger
2 teaspoons ground pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

"Raw" ingredients.

All blended together.

For Velvety Butternut Squash, preheat the oven to 350F and assemble the following ingredients:

2 1/2 pounds butternut squash
2 tablespoons water
1 head of garlic (yes, an entire head of garlic)
1 tablespoon coconut oil
2 tablespoons coconut milk
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons Ras el Hanout
1 egg
1/4 cup chopped pecans (save a few whole for garnish)

Step 1:  Cut the squash in half, lengthwise and remove the guts.  If the stem gets in the way, cut off the very top of the squash to create a better starting point.  

Be sure to use a sharp knife.  It takes a little finesse and patience to split the squash down the middle, but a dull knife will make it more difficult and no one wants a kitchen accident.

Place a piece of parchment paper (something I've never had in my kitchen before) on a cookie sheet and place the squash halves cut-side down.  Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of water around the squash.  [From previous experience with spaghetti squash, I would recommend checking on the butternut squash every now and then and add a little more water as needed.]

Step 2:  Take one whole head of garlic and remove as much of the loose skin as possible.  Wrap in a piece of aluminum foil.  

Upper row: new head of garlic, garlic with papery skin removed

Lower row: foil-wrapped garlic, yummy roasted garlic

Place the squash and garlic in the oven and bake for 40-50 minutes until the squash is tender.  Take both out of the oven and let cool for about 20 minutes.  

See the dent on the right one?  I think that translates as tender.

Step 3:  Increase the oven temperature to 400F.

Step 4:  Use a large spoon to scrape the flesh into a food processor (something else I didn't have in my kitchen until just a few weeks ago).  Remove the remaining skin from the garlic cloves and add all of it to the food processor (told you it's not the best dish to eat with strangers).  Puree until smooth.

Add the coconut oil, coconut milk, salt, and Ras el Hanout to the food processor and mix well.  This is the point where you want to taste the mixture and adjust the seasoning; after this you add raw egg and probably don't want to risk a trip to the hospital (I mean, it's not cookie dough, it's not worth it).

A quick word about coconut oil.  Under the Whole30 guidelines I cannot eat or cook with seed oils, such as canola oil.  Most paleo recipes will substitute traditional cooking fats with coconut oil.  My friend Bethany had told me about coconut oil over a year ago, but I never imagined I would be using it so much.  It can be expensive though, with a small jar from Whole Foods costing about $6.  To save money (by ounce) we buy a big mother-flippin' jug of coconut oil from Costco:

For scale reference, that's a tablespoon on top.

Coconut oil can replace most cooking fats (even in non-paleo recipes) in a 1:1 ratio.  It has a pleasant, mild, coconut scent, and doesn't generally add any particular coconut-y flavors to recipes.  The consistency reminds me of grainy vegetable shortening.

One tablespoon of coconut oil.

Step 5:  Scrape the squash mixture into a mixing bowl.  Beat one egg in a separate bowl and stir into the squash with a wooden spoon (the books says to use a wooden spoon, I don't know why).

Step 6:  Grease a 3-cup casserole dish with more coconut oil and pour in the squash mixture.  Top with chopped pecans (and a few whole pecans for presentation) and bake 25-30 minutes until the edges are bubbly and the top is golden brown.

Before the oven.

After the oven. The photograph doesn't look terribly different, 

but it has a much firmer consistency.

The recipe includes variations to make it into a soup, or to use different squashes, pumpkin, sweet potatoes or yams (hmmm...Thanksgiving anyone?).

Our Velvety Butternut Squash was served with Lemon & Artichoke Chicken from Diane Sanfilippo's Practical Paleo.

And the final verdict?  Pretty good!  Because it uses butternut squash, I expected it to come out a little sweeter.  The garlic gives the dish a savory quality that was a nice balance to the acidity in the chicken's lemon sauce.  Now, I love garlic (like, I love it a lot), but next time I am going to be more cognizant of how much garlic is added to the dish.  It was borderline too much; you don't want garlic to be the sole note.  Next time, I'll either use a smaller head of garlic or add it in gradually and do more taste testing.  I did taste the mixture before adding the egg, and the garlic was definitely less pronounced before it was baked, so that's something else I'll need to note on the recipe; **Warning** the garlic in this dish may be stronger than it "appears".

Mange!

Kimmy

The Breakfast Experiment

I have never been one of those people that can skip breakfast.  No breakfast equals a Kimmy (yes, we're going third person) so grouchy, that Bigfoot and Chupacabra would be lucky to make it out alive if they crossed me before I ate.  I can also eat just about anything for breakfast, just like my dad.  Growing up, leftovers were left in the fridge at your own risk because Dad might get up early (the only morning person in our family) and eat what you were saving for lunch or dinner.  Goodbye leftover steak, leftover burrito, leftover mu shu pork!  Sorry, I know most of you don't have the stomach for that before noon, but that was my world; eat or let someone else eat your goods.

Once I moved out on my own, the instinct to protect my cache of food like a hungry squirrel diminished, and I have resumed what you might call a "traditional" breakfast diet.  Breakfast is, hands-down, my favorite meal of the day.  The weekdays are a bit frantic, but there is nothing I enjoy more, or find more comforting, than having a conversation over breakfast and catching up with someone over a plate of eggs, hash-browns, and sourdough toast with a piping hot cup of Joe.  Obviously with the paleo diet, the hash-browns and toast are a no-no, but that doesn't mean I will never eat them again; it just means I won't be enjoying them as often as I used to (which, based on the doctor's evil-scale-of-doom, was a little too often).

Before taking on more culinary responsibilities at home, attempts to cook my own eggs were a disaster!!!  First, I was afraid to use butter because I'd always been taught that butter was the devil, so I'd use cooking spray.  Second, I was scared to death of contracting salmonella, so I would cook the eggs on high heat.  These were big mistakes that resulted in tasteless eggs that were rubbery in the middle with translucent "egg crisp" on the edges.  Blech, blech, and blech, again!  *Ptooey!* No amount of seasoning could rescue those poor bastards.

During the week, I have virtually no time to make breakfast so everything has to be "to go".  Prior to going paleo, breakfast was a plain bagel with gobs of peanut butter and Nutella.  Between the refined white flour, the peanut butter, and sugar in the Nutella, I have since realized this was not the healthiest choice of breakfast, even though (as I rationalized) it wasn't a cinnamon roll, danish, or Costco-sized muffin.

When we switched to paleo, I had to solve the dilemma of having a quick breakfast on-hand that we'd both be willing to eat during the week, and a delicious breakfast on the weekend that wouldn't leave me craving hash browns and toast!  Enter "Paleo Pumpkin Muffins" and what I have simply called "My Breakast".  This post is a little longer than the others I've done since there are two recipes, so please bear with me.

The Paleo Pumpkin Muffins recipe hails from www.paleoplan.com; which has a lot of wonderful, free, recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner, sides and dessert.  They also offer a subscription service where they send out a weekly menu, complete with shopping list.  I signed up for the free trial period, but ended up canceling after a week when I quickly realized that while I don't mind following a recipe, I don't like being told what to eat in a particular week.  However, if you are struggling for inspiration and need a little help, it may be a worthwhile investment.  The recipes don't strictly follow the Whole30 guidelines we are trying to follow (and admittedly, diverge from when there isn't a better alternative and it's an acceptable risk), but their recipes page has an easy-to-follow layout and is a great resource for quick meal ideas.

To make your own Paleo Pumpkin Muffins, preheat the oven to 350F and assemble the following ingredients:

- 1 1/2 cups almond flour (which you can find with the bulk foods)
- 3/4 cup canned pumpkin
- 3 large eggs (not pictured)
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
- 1 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
- 1/8 tsp sea salt (or salt, if that's what you have)
- 1/4 cup raw honey (optional)
- 2 tsp almond butter

1 recipe = 12 regular-sized muffins

A few comments regarding the ingredients:

Honey - The raw honey is not Whole30 approved because it is treated the same as any other added sugar (including artificial sweeteners).  However, without the honey, I'm not sure how much flavor the muffins would have and after breaking it down we're talking about 1 tsp of honey per muffin.  Plus, I started making these early on in our switch to paleo and we've both lost weight so I'm not too concerned about it as we haven't been consuming any added sugar outside of this concession.

Canned Pumpkin - I've made these muffins with both Whole Foods 365-brand of organic canned pumpkin and Farmer's Market brand of organic canned pumpkin (this is what I use; if you don't want to use organic the recipe doesn't specify you have to).  The Whole Foods brand has a very gooey consistency and looks a bit like baby food.  The Farmer's Market brand reminds me of canned cranberry sauce that keeps the ridges from the can.  It's a much firmer product and produces more "muffin-like" muffins.  The other pumpkin tastes fine, but the muffins tend to come out a little squishier.

Almond Butter - In the last month I have learned to read labels, read labels, and read labels.  A lot of foods, including those you might find at granola-y markets like Whole Foods or PCC Market, sneak in extra ingredients for preservation or flavor that I don't want or need.  I read the ingredients list of every brand of almond butter at Whole Foods to find the only one whose single ingredient was "Dry Roasted Almonds".  Every other jar had added sugar (and I'm already adding honey) or seed-based oils that are high in polyunsaturated fat like canola oil, sunflower oil, sesame oil, safflower oil, etc.

Wonder Cup - Okay, not an ingredient, but worth a mention.  I first learned about the Wonder Cup in 7th Grade home economics.  They are a magical, almost unicorn-like, measuring device that allows you to measure sticky ingredients (like honey).  There is a base and an outer sleeve with different types of measurements (cups, ounces, tablespoons, etc.).  You move the outer cylinder to the desired measurement and fill the cup to the brim.  Once it's full, just push up the base and scrape the contents into the bowl.  No scraping out a traditional measuring cup and losing some of your ingredients.

These muffins are so easy...

Step 1 - Combine all ingredients in a large bowl.  Seriously, just dump it all in there.  If using raw honey (versus regular honey), I highly, highly recommend warming it up a little bit before measuring it out.  You don't want it completely melted; just soft enough so you can scoop it easily and incorporate it into the batter.

(see the ridges?)

Step 2 - Prepare your muffin tin.  If you use paper liners, add 1/2 tsp of melted coconut oil to the batter.  Otherwise, grease the muffin tins liberally with coconut oil.  If you don't care about the kind of oil you use, spray the heck out of them with cooking spray.

Step 3 - Divide the batter into the muffin tin.  The recipe is freakishly true to size, so one recipe makes 12 regular-sized muffins.

Step 4 - Pop into the oven and bake for 25 minutes.  Do the toothpick check if you're not sure they're done.

Step 5 - Let muffins cool and remove from pan.  If you didn't use paper liners, running a wooden toothpick around the edges can be helpful in getting them to come out of the pan cleanly.

Store the muffins in an airtight container.  They will keep for about a week and you will know very quickly if they have spoiled.  We almost have making these muffins down to a science.  I know I need to make a double-batch because we go through 4 muffins a day (2 apiece) for breakfast.  I make them Sunday night, and if we don't eat them all by the 6th day (4 x 6 = 24) they magically go through muffin meltdown and start growing a penicillin-like substance.

With that lovely visual, I will insist they are quite tasty and have been an easy, delicious, ready-to-go breakfast.  They're a little denser than a traditional muffin, and definitely not as sweet, even with the honey.  Don't expect them to taste like a pumpkin or bran muffin from your local coffee shop.  In the morning, I don't add anything to them other than a cup of coffee, but I'm sure they'd be delightful with a smear of butter.

With the week firmly behind us and the glorious weekend before us, here is how I make "My Breakfast".  You will need...

- eggs (the Whole30 rule of thumb for how many eggs to eat is as the number of whole eggs you can hold in one hand, which for me is still only 2)

- ghee/clarified butter

- 1 slice of ham (about the size of your hand, big enough to make a good bed for your eggs)

- sliced avocado

Step 1: Set a frying pan over medium heat and melt a teaspoon or so of ghee or clarified butter; enough to give the eggs a good place to sit.  I'm not even going to suggest using regular butter here because ghee is just full of deliciousness and I have become a little addicted to it.  You can find it at Whole Foods, Central Market, PCC Market, etc. in the dairy section with the regular butter.  Plus, there's a cute little cow on the jar...

Step 2: Once the butter has melted, crack the eggs into the pan.  If the pan and butter are too hot, turn the heat down a little bit.  Cook the eggs until the the whites have cooked through (when there isn't much "jiggle" up top).  With a large spatula, flip the eggs, being careful not to crack the yolks.

Step 3:  Heat up the ham.  I heat mine for about 30 seconds in the microwave.  If you don't want to use a microwave, heat it up ahead of time so you're eggs don't go cold after they're cooked.

Step 4:  Once the ham is warm, take the eggs out of the pan and layer them on top.  I love the yolks of my eggs to be warm and not cooked through, but not runny. Letting them mostly cook before flipping them over gives them a lovely creamy consistency.  As I mentioned in the Butter Chicken Experiment, I think butter is a miracle food.  Unlike the disappointing and rubbery eggs of the past, "My Breakfast" eggs have consistently turned out beautiful and not burnt, which I attribute to cooking in ghee.

Step 5:  Garnish with avocado slices.  I use enough to virtually cover the entire surface of the eggs.

(Sorry, I started eating before I realized I needed to take a picture, but

at least now you can see that delicious yolk!)

I don't use any salt or pepper because the creaminess of the avocado, saltiness of the ham, and savoriness of the ghee are all the flavoring I need.  I enjoy this dish as much, if not more, than the toast and hash-browns I used to eat.  The protein of the eggs also provides a wonderful boost of energy in the morning (plus, y'know, the coffee).

One morning I was out of ham and had to "make do" with a side of bacon instead...

(Darn)

Mange!

Kimmy

UPDATE: Since writing this post we had an, "oh, duh" moment and realized we could freeze half our muffins to extend their life over the full week.  As soon as we finished the first half, the second half easily thawed overnight without affecting the flavor or consistency of the muffins.

The Czech Meatball Experiment

Like many of you, I have seen Disney's Lady and the Tramp about a gazillion times; and unlike today's youth, I actually saw it in the theater a couple of times during two of its many re-releases from the Disney vault in 1980 and 1986.  By the way, I have a colleague whose daughter works "for" the Disney vault, and he assures me that it is a literal vault.  I wonder if they have the Country Bears Jamboree stashed away in there, too?  Hmmm...

Anyhoo, I think we can all agree the most iconic scene from that film is when Lady and Tramp are enjoying a romantic dinner of spaghetti and meatballs under a moonlit sky (nothing says romance like your vagabond boyfriend begging for free pasta in an alley, am I right ladies?).  This scene impacted me heavily because I had never before had spaghetti and meatballs.  As a kid, we had spaghetti many, many times, but the beef was cooked into the sauce, and instead of meatballs we had pieces of Chinese sausage called lap cheong added to it.  I'm not complaining, mind you.  There are different varieties of lap cheong, but the one we ate was made from pork and is very, very fatty.  It's akin to adding fistfuls of bacon to your favorite dish -- de-lish-us.  Some of the ingredients in lap cheong are not Whole30 approved (e.g. sugar and soy) so I (sadly) can't incorporate it into our day-to-day diet, but it's worth the treat every now and then.  You can find lap cheong at most Asian markets (Uwajimaya, Ranch 99, etc.), so if you're interest is piqued and your arteries have some room, go buy some -- now!

My first experience with spaghetti and meatballs that I can recall is SpaghettiOs® Meatballs.  Talk about a letdown.  It's easily been over 20 years since I've eaten them, but I remember thinking how the meatballs were small and mealy.  They didn't look like the delicious meatballs that Lady and Tramp enjoyed.  The only reason I would roll mine across the plate would be so it could keep rolling off the table and onto the floor, and then the poor meatball would just roll out the door (see what I did there?  ba dum ching!).

Since then, meatballs have continued to disappoint.  Most Italian-style restaurants make them too big and mushy, or don't season them enough so there isn't any flavor other than from the watery spaghetti sauce they've been floating in.  I really don't get restaurants that think they're so cute giving you a plate of pasta and a single (gross) meatball the size of your head.  Trying to cut that thing into pieces does nothing but guarantee a meatball-sized stain on your clothes...or the restaurant carpet.

Between these disappointing experiences and a fear of failure, making my own meatballs has not been high on the list of recipes to try as they seemed rather labor-intensive and icky because you handle raw ground meat.  But that was the old me!  This is the new me, and the new me says, "Hah!  I can try anything!"  The new me is a little cocky.

Today's experiment is Czech Meatballs from the Well Fed cookbook.

Step 1:  Preheat the oven to 400F and assemble your ingredients (egg not pictured):

- 1 clove garlic, minced (approximately 1 tsp.)
- 1/2 Tbsp. salt
- 1 Tbsp. caraway seeds
- 1 tsp. ground paprika
- 1 Tbsp. ground black pepper
- 1 cup fresh parsley leaves, minced (yields about 1/4 cup)
- 1 Tbsp. grainy mustard (I used Dijon mustard because it was what I had on-hand)
- 1 large egg
- 2 pounds ground pork

Step 2:  In a large bowl, combine the eggs, parsley, and spices.

Turn this...

Into this...

Step 3:  Using your hands (I know, gross) crumble the ground pork into the bowl of spice mixture.  Thoroughly mix until the meat and spices are well incorporated.

I can't help but think this would be a good idea for "zombie brains"

in a haunted house.  Just sayin'.

Step 4:  Fill a small bowl with water and keep on-hand.  You will use this to lightly wet your hands so the meat mixture doesn't stick as you form your meatballs (try to refrain from childish jokes at this point; it will be difficult; maybe keep it down to no more than one or two).

Using a tablespoon to keep your meatballs uniform, scoop up a level spoonful of meat mixture and roll to form the meatballs and place on a foil-covered baking sheet about a 1/2-inch apart.  Using this recipe, you will need at least 2 baking sheets.

Step 5:  Place in the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes minutes until golden brown and thoroughly cooked (cut one in half if you're not sure).  To ensure uniform cooking, I had to bake each sheet separately.

When the meatballs are done, you may want to run a spatula under them so they don't stick to the foil.

Step 6:  Serve with your choice of side and eat!

If you're not following Whole30 or any other paleo or low-carb program, this is where you toss the meatballs in with some spaghetti and your favorite sauce.  Our meatballs were served with sautéed red cabbage with onions and apples from Practical Paleo, along with a side of dijon mustard mixed with homemade olive oil mayonnaise in a 1:1 ratio (again, the recipe recommends grainy mustard, but use what you have if you don't want to make an extra trip to the store).

Voila!

So, did my opinion about meatballs change?  Almost.  I think the meatballs turned out as they were intended and had good texture, but the caraway seeds in the recipe were a little overwhelming.  I'm not a fan of rye bread and it seemed to be the dominant flavor.  The mayo-mustard dip mellowed it out a bit, but it just wasn't enough to tame it altogether.  I will try this recipe again, but next time I will either reduce the amount of caraway seed or find an alternate spice that is a bit more palatable.  Any recommendations would be appreciated!  I may also try serving these with spaghetti squash and a paleo-friendly sauce for faux "spaghetti" and meatballs.

Mange!

Kimmy

My Love-Hate Relationship With Pinterest

Recently, I joined Pinterest -- begrudgingly.  I hate Pinterest, so this means I was driven to the brink of desperation when I joined.  I know, I know, you all loooove Pinterest.  It's the best thing since sliced bread (something I can't eat), blah, blah, blah -- hey, quit throwing tomatoes (which I can eat...okay, keep throwing them).

A friend introduced me to Pinterest about a year ago when she was gathering ideas for her daughter's birthday party.  With great excitement she showed me all the "boards" she had "pinned" full of bright, colorful pictures of homemade birthday invitations, homemade party decorations, homemade party favors, and, of course, homemade professional-grade decorated birthday cakes.  It was like Martha Stewart had released a virus on the Internet and Pinterest was the result.  I conceded that it "looked cool".  I liked the idea of being able to save all the ideas you find from various websites without having to print them out, only to shove them in a closet or junk drawer the next time company comes over and you have to clean the house in an hour.  These little pieces of inspiration are then forgotten until about a year later when, after watching a Hoarders marathon on A&E, you go into a mad cleaning frenzy (we're talking bleach here folks).  The only interesting thing about cleaning up the mess a year later is the archaeological archive it provides; removing layer upon layer of ideas with the oldest ones lying in a nest of dust bunnies at the bottom -- the furniture refinishing project from HGTV magazine, the furniture painting project when staining sounded like too much work, the decoupage project when a piece of furniture seemed way too big, to the printout of an email from Shutterfly offering a free photo book before 2/15/2011 (scrapbooks are a decoupage of pictures, right?).

Still, it didn't make much of an impact on me.  I walked away and didn't give it much thought.  That is, until the world went frickin' Pinterest-crazy!  Everywhere I turned, people were talking about something on their Pinterest board, or following someone else's Pinterest board, or cooking something off their Pinterest board, or taking first-day school pictures of their kids in a certain style because, "they saw it on Pinterest and it was sooo cute."  Even guys have Pinterest boards!  Look, I'm sorry guys, I'm the first one to poo-poo stereotyped gender roles, but you have to admit this is a bit girly, even for you.  And while it may have taken time for parents to discover Facebook, there was no such grace period with Pinterest.  Last Christmas I went over to my mom and dad's, only to discover what looked like the lower-torso of a green and red monster poking out of their Christmas tree.  My mother, noticing my gaze, asked, "Do you like my Grinch?  I got the idea off of Pinterest!"  Et tu, Mother?  Don't get me wrong, it was fun and cute and Christmas-y, but it was...a Pinterest project.  I felt like Pinterest was Newman to my Seinfeld, Khan to my Kirk, Wheaton to my Sheldon.

Now, everyone is talking about suffering from Pinterest anxiety.  WTF?!  Mothers expressing guilt over the fact they had to (*gag*) buy a cake for their child's birthday instead of making it from scratch, rolling out fondant, dyeing it five colors and creating a scale replica of Botticelli's The Birth of Venus.  Personally, I don't find that appropriate for a five-year old's birthday, but to each their own.

Now, in all fairness, I don't have children.  My stepdaughter was twelve when I met her so she was past all the little kid cutesy-poo stuff by then (at that point, I could do dangerous things, like introduce her to Nordstrom's), but I don't understand the need to make everything from scratch, when, hello? Target.  You can get everything from Target -- streamers, plates, invitations, thank you cards, centerpieces, party favors, tablecloths, and confetti.  The best thing?  They all coordinate (Type-A heaven!).  Again, I don't have a child, but I remember being a kid and wanting a Scooby-Doo birthday party with all the matching commercialized crap you could find.  It didn't matter that the party horns died after about three blows, or that the plates melted as soon as you put ice cream on them -- they...were...fun.  And the best thing about it was you could throw it all away when you were done and not feel guilty about it because the whole mess cost less than $50 (adjusted for inflation) and required relatively little time.

Maybe this will get me a few blow darts to the neck, but I wonder if all the Pinterest homemade wonderment is for the kids or the parents, specifically, other parents?  It sure doesn't seem to be saving people money or letting them spend more time with said children.  It would be one thing if you have a passion for making things and truly enjoy it, but most people I talk to tell me about their projects through gritted teeth and a plastered smile.

Okay, so now that I've ripped Pinterest apart and alienated, like, all my friends, why did I join Pinterest?  This paleo-lifestyle that we recently adopted, that's why.  When we started this journey about a month ago, I bought two cookbooks with some great recipes that we've really enjoyed, but even so they are limited and we are hungry people.  In the past, we could eat burgers and pizza for a straight week (ew, just typing that makes me feel queasy), but I think variety will be the key to keeping us motivated to stay on this path.  I can find a lot of great recipes by doing a Google search (I love Google), but again, you run into the problem of keeping track of everything.  Recipes that aren't in books have a tendency to wander in our house, which doesn't make sense.  It's not like we're carrying recipes room to room like a security blanket, and my dogs are less than a foot tall so they're not jumping up on the counters and taking them off to bury in the yard.  Although, there was this one time...

(We were moving, please don't judge the chaos.)

So, with great reluctance, wailing, and gnashing of teeth, I joined Pinterest.  I felt so dirty afterwards, but I'm trying to accept things and move on.  I have pinned a few recipes and follow Stupid Easy Paleo for meal ideas.  I also follow a few people like my stepdaughter, Ashley, because I love her and miss her and she's planning a wedding so I get to peek in on all her wedding ideas.  Please don't be offended if I don't follow your Pinterest board.  Just take a look at mine and you'll see why.  It's full of paleo recipes and Batman stuff, so my interests don't necessarily overlap with most of what I see out there.

In closing, I wish you happy pinning, but ask you to remember that Pinterest is a tool (pun intended) and to treat it as such.  Don't let it consume you or take you on a guilt trip.  There is enough in life to worry about...like becoming a hoarder.

See you at Target!

~ Kimmy